31-year-old girlfriend making $100K expects boyfriend to pay her $40K in credit card debt, $60K in car loans, and $20K in student loans: 'You’ll take care of my debt.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Oct 6, 2025 11:00 AM EDT

She's going to spend her boyfriend out of house and home.

There's a significant stigma surrounding marrying someone for money, but I believe that one can't marry someone without first considering their financial situation. It matters much less how much someone takes home at the end of a pay period than how they manage that money once they receive it. Do they spend their entire paycheck in 3 days, forcing them to eat ice soup until the 1st or the 15th? Do they live below their means and save liberally for retirement? Do they spend the money that was meant for rent on vacations they can't afford? You don't want to be financially tied to someone who cannot take care of their own finances, no matter how much or little they make. A girl with $150K in debt making $150K per year is broke, no matter which way you slice it. 

It can be awkward to discuss money during the first couple of months of dating somebody, but it's usually pretty easy to glean if someone is an excessive spender or not.

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  • Young beautiful woman happy for finding shopping items for sale online shopping at home
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • It's typical to want your boyfriend or girlfriend to take you out to a nice dinner every once in a while, but if they expect you to spend thousands of dollars on gifts and vacations because “you have the money,” you need to run before your assets are legally bound together. Chances are, they're spending irresponsibly on themselves, and they want you to carry on the practice. That's what the woman in this story wants from her boyfriend, and luckily, he still has a chance to get out.

  • My girlfriend is deep in debt, spends recklessly, and expects me to take care of everything

    I've been dating my girlfriend for a few months now. We get along really well and have a lot of fun together, but I'm starting to get seriously worried about her attitude toward money.
    via u/MiddleEarthVagrant
  • She's 31 and has about $40,000 in credit card debt, $60,000 in car debt, and another $15-20,000 left on her student loan. She makes around $100,000 a year in Canada, but she has no savings at all and is constantly overdrafting her account. She's had her debt go to collections before, and her dad and brother have bailed her out in the past.
    via u/MiddleEarthVagrant
  • The problem is, she just keeps spending. She buys whatever she wants, goes out a lot, and doesn't seem too concerned about the future. I'm 37 and in a pretty good financial spot overall. I have
    via u/MiddleEarthVagrant
  • about $250,000 in my work retirement plan and $180,000 in stocks. But since dating her, I've actually gone into around $12,000 of credit card debt myself, mostly from paying for a trip to Mexico for both of us, her nails, gifts, dinners, and random stuff she wants.
    via u/MiddleEarthVagrant
  • She often sends me links to things she wants me to buy her, and when I say maybe for Christmas or some other time, she acts a little annoyed. She's talked about wanting to get married by the end of the year and start a family soon. I want that too someday, but not like this.
    via u/MiddleEarthVagrant
  • When we talk about money, she says she wants to spend what she earns on whatever she wants, and that I should handle the mortgage and the big bills. She's open to paying some bills, but she changes her stance depending on the conversation. It honestly feels like she's testing me sometimes to see how much I'll put up with.
    via u/MiddleEarthVagrant
  • When I mentioned us working together to pay off her debt, she said, "You'll take care of my debt." I told her that's not fair. That would basically mean I'm paying for everything she's done the last few years, like vacations and nights out. She just shrugged it off and said that's how it should be, that the man takes care of things, especially since she'll be the one having kids.
    via u/MiddleEarthVagrant
  • Two toddlers playing with toys on the floor
    via Yunus Tuğ (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • She's been pushing for me to buy a house soon and put down a down payment. She doesn't know I have $180,000 in stocks, and I don't plan to sell them right now. I could save up for a down payment within the next year or so, but only if she stops expecting me to pay for everything and cut back on all these expenses and trips she keeps suggesting.
    via u/MiddleEarthVagrant
  • Woman sits on brown wooden beach chair
    via Chen Mizrach

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I really like her and want things to work out, but this has been weighing on me a lot. I don't know if I'm being too cautious or if this is just a giant red flag. It's hard to picture building a future with someone who refuses to take responsibility for her finances and expects me to fix it all.
    via u/MiddleEarthVagrant
  • TL;DR: My girlfriend makes good money but is over $100k in debt with nothing saved. She keeps spending, expects me to pay for everything, and even said I should take care of her debt. I'm starting to go into debt myself and don't know if I should stay or walk away.
    via u/MiddleEarthVagrant
  • HungryWatercress 1707 Get the fout. Now.
    via u/HungryWatercress1707
  • Select_Lawyer1269 I agree. Right now, OP, the debt is HER problem. If you move in with or marry this girl, watch how quick your debt does out of control
    via u/Select_Lawyer1269
  • DirectAntique He's been dating her a few months and 6 already 12 000 in debt from spending money on her?
    via u/DirectAntique
  • Embarrassed_Penguin3 yeah seriously, that much debt that early is nuts. if she's draining him now, imagine what it'd be like long term.
    via u/Embarrassed_Penguin3
  • golden-traveler32 and what really gets me is she's not even trying to change. like, no budgeting, no accountability just vibes and spending. that mindset's a ticking time bomb in any relationship.
    via u/golden-traveler32
  • Aridunun23 She's not going to change because she was waiting for a man who will pay off her debt for her and she already found one.
    via u/Aridunun23
  • UpbeatMarsupial382 I don't know if I'm being too cautious If your attitude is anything other than "h_I no, I am not entangling my finances with this person" then you are not being cautious enough.
    via u/UpbeatMarsupial382
  • morbid_n_creepifying OP has obviously thrown caution to the wind seeing as how they've gone $12,000 into credit card debt from just DATING this girl for a few months. Honestly everything about this tale stresses me out
    via u/morbid_n_creepifying
  • SingleUmpire7464 Leave. 31 is too grown to be spending that carelessly. You're not a piggy bank. You have zero legal obligation to shoulder her insanity.
    via u/SingleUmpire7464
  • Just-Jazzin I second this, sometimes people get into debt. It's quite easy in western culture. I wouldn't think anything less of her if she had accumulated this, but was actively working to fix the situation. She's not going to work up to your level. She's going to drag you down to hers. Not what I'd want in a life partner.
    via u/Just-Jazzin
  • HotITGuy If you marry her, bankruptcy and divorce are in your future, and the divorce will erase most of your money.
    via u/HotITGuy
  • Capable_Volume_1196 Your solution is on YouTube Look up the Usain Bolt videos and do your best imitation of him running There is not a woman on the face of this earth that is worth the grief this one will bring to your life. She is long overdue for a wake up call
    via u/Capable_Volume_1196

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Dating-Relationships boyfriend toxic relationships salary credit cards credit card reddit story relationships girlfriend debt student debt Reddit money toxic relationship
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